Your soul is a garden...: A not-so-perfect summer

For people who know me, or know me well, it is no secret that this summer has probably been the worst of my life. I know lots of people say that and lots of people say it to be dramatic, but I say it with the utmost honesty.

My summer was going fairly well until the end of June. I decided not to work this summer, firstly because I couldn’t really find a job with this crazy economy, but also so I could find time to work on my portfolio before my last year in the design program. There was nothing great or exciting that happened, just a normal summer with my friends.

As cliché as it sounds, everything changed on July 21. I was camping with my parents in Gatlinburg when my Aunt called and told us that my cousin had died early that morning. I didn’t even know how to react to the situation at first, because I just honestly didn’t believe it was real. I just kept waiting for someone to tell me that there had been a mix-up and that he was fine, but no one ever did. I didn’t even cry at first, because it seemed so unrealistic that he could really be gone forever. No sickness, no nothing. Just gone.

It was strange because the Saturday before he died I started thinking about him and decided to text him. All I said was that I missed him and I loved him and I wanted him to know that, but he never replied. His mom told us later that he had been on the lake with friends all weekend so he probably didn’t get it ‘til later and forgot to reply, but if I’m thankful for anything in life right now, it’s for the fact that he was on my mind that night and I text him to let him know how much I loved him.

I have never lost anyone close to me before and losing Brandon was something I never thought would happen. I know that sounds silly, but it’s not something you really want to ever have to think about, so you just don’t and when you finally have to, you don’t know what to do with yourself. Me and Brandon were very close. I felt like he was more of a brother to me than a cousin. He was an incredible guy that was so much fun to be around and I miss him so much. I had so much respect for him, because he always stood up for what he loved and believed in. So many people say that they will stand strong for what they want and believe in, but they really don’t; Brandon was the kind that really did. He was strong, hard working, honest, trustworthy, and most important, he was loving. I’ve honestly never met someone like him in my life. He was one of the most amazing people I’ve ever known and I am so thankful that I can call him family.

He and his brother Cortney have always been close to me, my sister, Lea, and my other cousins Krista and Brett. The only comfort I found in the entire situation was that I had Cortney, Lea, Krista, and Brett all right next to me, all feeling the same thing I was feeling and understanding how I felt. I am so glad I had them by my side and though it didn’t take the pain away, it was so nice to have them there and that’s the way Brandon would have wanted it; all of us sticking together like we always have.

I can honestly say I have never had to deal with anything so tough in my entire life, but I’m making it. There isn’t a day that goes by when I don’t think of him and miss him. I didn’t get to spend a lot of time with him, because we lived so far apart, in fact, we only saw each other about two or three times a year, but we kept in touch, nonetheless. When we were altogether, it was always a mad mess because we were always getting into something ridiculous. He was 34, but when he was with us, he just fit right in like he was our age; playing wii, flying airplanes, and our personal favorite, eating all the food we could eat and drinking our weight in Deda’s secret recipe Christmas Punch! I’ll never forget when we were little the way he always treated us like his little brothers and sisters. He would let us destroy his room playing. He would let us play and watch Ernest movies in his room until it was a complete disaster, but he would just sit back, laugh at us and never say a word.

I miss Brandon so much. I am so proud of the man he was and everything he fought for and stood for. I feel so lucky to be able to call him my cousin. I don’t think I’ll ever get to a point where I don’t miss him so much it hurts, I just think I’ll continue to learn to deal with it better everyday. He was 13 years older than me, but he was still one of my best friends and like a brother to me and I’ll miss him until the day I see him again. I love you, B!