Last week I heard someone make the statement that we, as Christians, in the time our country needs us most, are lying down. I was like, wow seriously? In the past couple years, since our country came under a new government, I have seen people stand up for their homeland more than I ever have before. We as Americans have the right to stand up for ourselves and speak freely and many of us are. Those who do not include themselves in this “us” or “we” I guess are content to see our country in the state it’s in: destructive.
The fact that someone would say that Christians are lying down in the time our country needs us most appalls me. Our leaders are allowing a mosque to be built one-tenth of a mile from Ground Zero, but American Christians are sitting down and waiting for the architectural plans to be drawn up; they’re (we’re) revolting. Rallies have been held opposing this mosque. Some positive, some negative, but rallies opposing the mosque, nonetheless. As I have a friend who worked in the South tower of the World Trade Center and was in the building when the terrorist attacks took place on September 11 and nearly lost her life that day, I have very strong feelings about this mosque being built so close to Ground Zero. Yes, the men who were piloting those planes were Muslim, but are all Muslims bad? No, they are not. In fact, most of these people are upstanding citizens in our country and theirs, but with the fact that the men who are responsible for murdering thousands of Americans were Muslim, I find it difficult to embrace this worship center being placed there. We are a country of freedom. Free speech, free religion, etc, but Ground Zero is a haunting place for all Americans, but especially for the men and women who were there that day and suffered. I cannot imagine what that day was like for them, horrifying to say the least. And now, to put a Mosque, in the place where so many Americans had their lives taken from them? To put the worship center of those piloting the planes in back door of the burial grounds of thousands? We’re supposed to stand for that and be silent? You see, the issue of the Mosque is a large issue, but as we are a country that stands for freedom, we cannot do much about that right now. The issue here is the placement of the building. Why in a place such as this?
We are slowly letting out country go down the drain. We have no morals anymore. We’re beginning to accept things that 20 years ago we would have never accepted. We’re beginning to let leaders that should have never been placed there, lead our country and in leading it, they are destroying everything our country has been built on.
Speaking for myself, I am not sitting down. I am not lying down. I am not backing down. I am not embracing what our country is becoming. As one person though, what can I do? Herein lies the problem. This is the mindset so many Americans have. I am not simply one person. There are millions out there that believe exactly the way I do, but we feel like we can do nothing as one individual, but in reality… we’re millions with one mindset.
I do not feel that as Christians we can sit back and see our country continue the way it is now. If we do, in ten years our country will no longer be what it was meant to be.. I feel that as Christians the best thing we can do is pray. I know that is the spiritual answer, but in all honestly, what else is there to do that is more powerful? Causing turmoil is only going to harm the country more, the most peaceful option we have is to pray; for our citizens, for our leaders, and for God’s divine will to be done here. I do not feel that Christians are being quiet in this time. I think people believe that Christians should be infuriated by the things going on within our borders and we are, but we do not handle things in the ways that non-Christians do. Christians do not fight fire with fire. When I was young my dad taught me the phrase “You can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar” and I have laughed at that statement so many times, but there is so much truth in it. We cannot make changes to our country if we are causing more pandemonium. Plain and simple. We are not being quiet, we are trusting in One bigger than ourselves. We are trusting that He has a plan and a reason for everything that is happening here and that in His perfect timing, He will make the proper changes.
I heard a song the other day while driving home from school and two short lines brought about this entire blogpost. The lyrics were “We won't stop 'til we see the morning. So welcome to the quiet before the storm hits.” These two lines stirred up so many things in me. Okay, maybe the people are right. Maybe we are quiet, but we know we don’t have to cause chaos to see God’s will. The storm will hit regardless. I think the word storm brings about negative thoughts, but what if the word storm isn’t negative? What if it’s positive? What if the storm is a mass outpouring of the Holy Spirit? What if this outpouring is poured upon the United States? Perhaps we are doing the right thing but not speaking out and causing more mayhem within the country. Perhaps the storm is in God’s hands and we are doing exactly what He wants from us, by simply sitting back and letting Him take care of us.
To listen to the song written about above, click here. =)
9.15.2010
8.25.2010
A not-so-perfect summer
For people who know me, or know me well, it is no secret that this summer has probably been the worst of my life. I know lots of people say that and lots of people say it to be dramatic, but I say it with the utmost honesty.
My summer was going fairly well until the end of June. I decided not to work this summer, firstly because I couldn’t really find a job with this crazy economy, but also so I could find time to work on my portfolio before my last year in the design program. There was nothing great or exciting that happened, just a normal summer with my friends.
As cliché as it sounds, everything changed on July 21. I was camping with my parents in Gatlinburg when my Aunt called and told us that my cousin had died early that morning. I didn’t even know how to react to the situation at first, because I just honestly didn’t believe it was real. I just kept waiting for someone to tell me that there had been a mix-up and that he was fine, but no one ever did. I didn’t even cry at first, because it seemed so unrealistic that he could really be gone forever. No sickness, no nothing. Just gone.
It was strange because the Saturday before he died I started thinking about him and decided to text him. All I said was that I missed him and I loved him and I wanted him to know that, but he never replied. His mom told us later that he had been on the lake with friends all weekend so he probably didn’t get it ‘til later and forgot to reply, but if I’m thankful for anything in life right now, it’s for the fact that he was on my mind that night and I text him to let him know how much I loved him.
I have never lost anyone close to me before and losing Brandon was something I never thought would happen. I know that sounds silly, but it’s not something you really want to ever have to think about, so you just don’t and when you finally have to, you don’t know what to do with yourself. Me and Brandon were very close. I felt like he was more of a brother to me than a cousin. He was an incredible guy that was so much fun to be around and I miss him so much. I had so much respect for him, because he always stood up for what he loved and believed in. So many people say that they will stand strong for what they want and believe in, but they really don’t; Brandon was the kind that really did. He was strong, hard working, honest, trustworthy, and most important, he was loving. I’ve honestly never met someone like him in my life. He was one of the most amazing people I’ve ever known and I am so thankful that I can call him family.
He and his brother Cortney have always been close to me, my sister, Lea, and my other cousins Krista and Brett. The only comfort I found in the entire situation was that I had Cortney, Lea, Krista, and Brett all right next to me, all feeling the same thing I was feeling and understanding how I felt. I am so glad I had them by my side and though it didn’t take the pain away, it was so nice to have them there and that’s the way Brandon would have wanted it; all of us sticking together like we always have.
I can honestly say I have never had to deal with anything so tough in my entire life, but I’m making it. There isn’t a day that goes by when I don’t think of him and miss him. I didn’t get to spend a lot of time with him, because we lived so far apart, in fact, we only saw each other about two or three times a year, but we kept in touch, nonetheless. When we were altogether, it was always a mad mess because we were always getting into something ridiculous. He was 34, but when he was with us, he just fit right in like he was our age; playing wii, flying airplanes, and our personal favorite, eating all the food we could eat and drinking our weight in Deda’s secret recipe Christmas Punch! I’ll never forget when we were little the way he always treated us like his little brothers and sisters. He would let us destroy his room playing. He would let us play and watch Ernest movies in his room until it was a complete disaster, but he would just sit back, laugh at us and never say a word.
I miss Brandon so much. I am so proud of the man he was and everything he fought for and stood for. I feel so lucky to be able to call him my cousin. I don’t think I’ll ever get to a point where I don’t miss him so much it hurts, I just think I’ll continue to learn to deal with it better everyday. He was 13 years older than me, but he was still one of my best friends and like a brother to me and I’ll miss him until the day I see him again. I love you, B!
Brandon trying to invade the Christmas couch! :)
We decided to let him invade and I'm so glad we did. :)
Deda and her favorite :) haha
Me and Brandon :)
My summer was going fairly well until the end of June. I decided not to work this summer, firstly because I couldn’t really find a job with this crazy economy, but also so I could find time to work on my portfolio before my last year in the design program. There was nothing great or exciting that happened, just a normal summer with my friends.
As cliché as it sounds, everything changed on July 21. I was camping with my parents in Gatlinburg when my Aunt called and told us that my cousin had died early that morning. I didn’t even know how to react to the situation at first, because I just honestly didn’t believe it was real. I just kept waiting for someone to tell me that there had been a mix-up and that he was fine, but no one ever did. I didn’t even cry at first, because it seemed so unrealistic that he could really be gone forever. No sickness, no nothing. Just gone.
It was strange because the Saturday before he died I started thinking about him and decided to text him. All I said was that I missed him and I loved him and I wanted him to know that, but he never replied. His mom told us later that he had been on the lake with friends all weekend so he probably didn’t get it ‘til later and forgot to reply, but if I’m thankful for anything in life right now, it’s for the fact that he was on my mind that night and I text him to let him know how much I loved him.
I have never lost anyone close to me before and losing Brandon was something I never thought would happen. I know that sounds silly, but it’s not something you really want to ever have to think about, so you just don’t and when you finally have to, you don’t know what to do with yourself. Me and Brandon were very close. I felt like he was more of a brother to me than a cousin. He was an incredible guy that was so much fun to be around and I miss him so much. I had so much respect for him, because he always stood up for what he loved and believed in. So many people say that they will stand strong for what they want and believe in, but they really don’t; Brandon was the kind that really did. He was strong, hard working, honest, trustworthy, and most important, he was loving. I’ve honestly never met someone like him in my life. He was one of the most amazing people I’ve ever known and I am so thankful that I can call him family.
He and his brother Cortney have always been close to me, my sister, Lea, and my other cousins Krista and Brett. The only comfort I found in the entire situation was that I had Cortney, Lea, Krista, and Brett all right next to me, all feeling the same thing I was feeling and understanding how I felt. I am so glad I had them by my side and though it didn’t take the pain away, it was so nice to have them there and that’s the way Brandon would have wanted it; all of us sticking together like we always have.
I can honestly say I have never had to deal with anything so tough in my entire life, but I’m making it. There isn’t a day that goes by when I don’t think of him and miss him. I didn’t get to spend a lot of time with him, because we lived so far apart, in fact, we only saw each other about two or three times a year, but we kept in touch, nonetheless. When we were altogether, it was always a mad mess because we were always getting into something ridiculous. He was 34, but when he was with us, he just fit right in like he was our age; playing wii, flying airplanes, and our personal favorite, eating all the food we could eat and drinking our weight in Deda’s secret recipe Christmas Punch! I’ll never forget when we were little the way he always treated us like his little brothers and sisters. He would let us destroy his room playing. He would let us play and watch Ernest movies in his room until it was a complete disaster, but he would just sit back, laugh at us and never say a word.
I miss Brandon so much. I am so proud of the man he was and everything he fought for and stood for. I feel so lucky to be able to call him my cousin. I don’t think I’ll ever get to a point where I don’t miss him so much it hurts, I just think I’ll continue to learn to deal with it better everyday. He was 13 years older than me, but he was still one of my best friends and like a brother to me and I’ll miss him until the day I see him again. I love you, B!
Brandon trying to invade the Christmas couch! :)
We decided to let him invade and I'm so glad we did. :)
Deda and her favorite :) haha
Me and Brandon :)
6.12.2010
Those kind of times...
I was reminded of this song this week by someone that I am definitely not a fan of, which I guess was a slap in the face, but hey, things like that happen for a reason. I had heard this song before, but it was one that kind of slips from your mind from time to time. It's one of my favorite songs though. It's called Times by Tenth Avenue North who is one of my favorite bands everrr. They're amazing, on CD and live. They have a new album that just came out a few weeks ago titled The Light Meets the Dark, which you can purchase here. It's amazing!
Anyway... this song reminds me that God doesn't care where we've been, only where we are going and reminds me that no matter what I've done, He's never going to turn His back on me. You can listen to this song here on youtube and below are the lyrics. Enjoy!
I know i need you
I need to love you
I love to see you, but its been so long
i long to feel you
i feel this need for you'
and i need to hear you
is that so wrong?
oh oh oh, oh oh oh, oh oh oh
now you pulled me near you
when we're close i fear you
still im afraid to tell you
all that i've done
are you done forgiving?
or can you look pass my pretending?
Lord i'm so tired of defending
what i've become
what have i become?
oh oh, oh oh, oh oh.
i hear you say "my love is over,
its underneath, its inside, its in between
the times you doubt me, when you can't feel
the times that you've questioned 'is this for real?'
the times you've broken, the times that you mend
the times you hate me and the times that you bend
well my love is over, its underneath
its inside, its in between,
these times you're healing
and when your heart breaks
the times that you feel like you've fallen from grace
the times you're hurting
the times that you heal
the times you go hungry and are tempted to steal
in times of confusion and chaos and pain
im there in your sorrow under the weight of your shame
im there through your heartache
im there in the storm
my love i will keep you by my power alone
i dont care where you've fallen, where you have been
i'll never forsake you
my love never ends, it never ends
mmm, mmm
oh oh, oh oh, oh oh
Anyway... this song reminds me that God doesn't care where we've been, only where we are going and reminds me that no matter what I've done, He's never going to turn His back on me. You can listen to this song here on youtube and below are the lyrics. Enjoy!
I know i need you
I need to love you
I love to see you, but its been so long
i long to feel you
i feel this need for you'
and i need to hear you
is that so wrong?
oh oh oh, oh oh oh, oh oh oh
now you pulled me near you
when we're close i fear you
still im afraid to tell you
all that i've done
are you done forgiving?
or can you look pass my pretending?
Lord i'm so tired of defending
what i've become
what have i become?
oh oh, oh oh, oh oh.
i hear you say "my love is over,
its underneath, its inside, its in between
the times you doubt me, when you can't feel
the times that you've questioned 'is this for real?'
the times you've broken, the times that you mend
the times you hate me and the times that you bend
well my love is over, its underneath
its inside, its in between,
these times you're healing
and when your heart breaks
the times that you feel like you've fallen from grace
the times you're hurting
the times that you heal
the times you go hungry and are tempted to steal
in times of confusion and chaos and pain
im there in your sorrow under the weight of your shame
im there through your heartache
im there in the storm
my love i will keep you by my power alone
i dont care where you've fallen, where you have been
i'll never forsake you
my love never ends, it never ends
mmm, mmm
oh oh, oh oh, oh oh
5.16.2010
Love without fear
Most of the time I stay away from all the mushy gushy junk because I don't do mushy gushy. Don't get me wrong, I do want to fall in love with someone, so in love with someone, but I want to do it without fear from things that have happened in the past.
A lot of people really struggle with loving someone after they have been hurt by someone else in their past, but that is something I never want to do. And that's tough, really tough. To let yourself walk into a new relationship when you've been hurt so badly in the past is crazy hard to do. And you probably swore to yourself that you would never set yourself up for that again, then a few months later when the pain gets a little bit better you decide that you might could deal with at least giving it a try. So that's what you do, you try. And when you try most of the time you realize that replacing the person who hurt you so much just doesn't work out for either person in the new relationship. The only solution to overcoming that hurt is to wait it out because replacement doesn't work, in fact, it makes it worse because you're not really happy, you just think you are until the new wears off and reality sets in.
A week or so ago me, Lea, and Amber were in Hobby Lobby getting some stuff for a surprise party Lea was having for her best friend Kara when I saw this sign:
Amber ended up buying it and now I wish I had too. "Love is foolish, but I still might try it sometime." It makes perfect sense to me. Sometimes love does seem foolish. I think that's the one thing that hurts us worst in life. You can have physical injuries, but those eventually heal. Emotional pain often never heals. Sometimes words spoken years ago still have the power to echo in your ear at the most inconvenient of times. Love really can hurt, there probably isn't anything that hurts worse than someone you love walking away from you. Whether that person is a friend, parent, boyfriend, girlfriend, family member, or whatever. It still hurts. And it is kind of foolish to set yourself up for that kind of pain, but we shouldn't fear it because it's supposed to be the strongest emotion a person can have.
I've seen so many of my friends do this and it hurts to watch them do this to themselves and to someone they might could really care about if they had it in them to actually care at the right time and place. I was thinking the other day about this on my way home from Amber's house and realized that I've been hurt really badly in past relationships, but I never got to a point where I gave up and just thought I needed to be alone for the rest of my life. I just didn't want to be with anyone right then. I just packed up all the baggage from the relationship and pushed it out of the way. That's the only way to do it. Erase all the things in your face about that person and then slowly wait until you're ready to give someone else a chance because they're not all the time. I see these little silly facebook bumper stickers and girls' facebook status's that says things like "I hate boys. “ or “They're all the same.” Or my favorite, “I just want one guy to prove to me that they're not all the same." I hate comments like that because I know they're not all the same and I know that from looking around me. I see it in the guy friends that I have, in cousins, my dad, grandpa, uncles, brother-in-law, and in my friends' parents. They're not all bad, in fact, if you keep picking the bad guys, it's your fault. It's not the guys fault. If you're old enough to date, then you should be responsible enough to not pick out a guy that you're gonna hate in a few months. Granted, I don't really ever talk to any of my ex-boyfriends, but if any of them called and needed me for any reason, I would be there in a heartbeat. They're not all bad. Girls just think they're all bad when one guy doesn't do exactly what she wants and, in turn, that makes him a bad guy. That doesn't make him a bad guy, that makes him man enough to stand up to his girlfriend or wife.
All in all, I guess I'm saying that though I've been hurt, I've never had any fear about entering into a relationship. There were times when I was hurt so badly I didn't want to date anyone else, but that is just petty and childish to curl up in a ball and let someone have that much control over you. There comes a time when you have to stand up and fight for what you want and what you love. Love was never supposed to be something that is feared. 1 John 4:18 says "Such love has no fear, because perfect love expels all fear. If we are afraid, it is for fear of punishment, and this shows that we have not fully experienced His perfect love." I guess the big problem is that we can't truly love someone until we fully experience the love of God. I think you can love someone without this, but not the way God intended love to be. Not in His form of love. His form of love is the most pure and true type of love and that's what our love is supposed to be like to one another and most importantly to the person we are in love with. I am so thankful that I have never grown to fear love. In fact, I think it's exciting. And I think that's how it's supposed to be. We're supposed to anticipate the future of love, not fear it. I do not fear love. I do fear the idea of being loved and then left, but love... I do not fear at all and we were never intended to.
On Mother’s Day, we had a cookout at Fall Creek Falls with our family and on our way home me and Lea heard a song called “God Gave Me You.” By Dave Barnes. I had never heard it before and I just immediately almost started crying my little eyes out. The song is beautiful. It talks about how the guy has been hurt so badly and he has turned into someone he doesn’t want to be and God gave him someone for all he had to go through. Here’s the chorus:
God gave me you for the ups and downs
God gave me you for the days of doubt
For when I think I’ve lost my way
There are no words here left to say, it’s true
God gave me you
Every time I hear this song I just want to cry because I think it’s so sweet. I guess that is kind of what God does for us. After we do so much messing up and finally realize our way doesn’t work out, He comes in to save the day and give us someone who can make us forget all the pain we’ve been through.
And when God does this I feel like our whole mindset will change. Which makes me think of another Dave Barnes song called “Until You.” I don’t think until you find someone that God chooses for you that you can fully understand the love of another person. This song kind of opened my eyes to that. It says:
I need you now and forever
so stay right here with me
Don't ever leave
Love was kept from me like a secret
And I swore that I was through
Until you
I think God sort of keeps the true capacity of love from us like a secret until He is ready to let us be with the person He has chosen for us. Like He wants it to be as amazing as it can possibly be and if we have any idea beforehand then it won’t be anything like it’s supposed to be.
I feel sorry for people who have been hurt so badly that they feel like they can never trust anyone else. Maybe this will happen to me someday, but I hope it never does. I never want to fear something that God made so perfect for me. I don't know when that love will come for me, when God intends for it to happen, or who He intends for that to happen with, but when it does, I do not want to fear something that He planned out perfectly for me before I even took my first breath.
4.12.2010
"I'm gonna put you first, I'll show you what you're worth."
I was driving down the road today and singing along with Mr. Bieber, as always and the thought occurred to me, "When did it become okay and normal for a guy to mistreat a girl?" Like, I see it happen every day. It seems like every time I am out somewhere, whether it is at school, the grocery store, or the mall, I see a guy mistreating his girlfriend. He's either treating her like a little kid, yelling at her, ignoring her or hitting her. Seriously, when did that become okay? When did it become okay to know it was happening and turn our heads to it every single day?
It's no secret that many men have always seen themselves as superior to women, it's been happening for hundreds of years. Even in that era women were belittled by their husbands. I am usually not one to speak out about women's rights and that is not what I am doing now, I am just pointing out that so many men see themselves as superior to women. Young guys now think it's okay to treat their girlfriends like their dogs and it's not okay anymore. It was never okay, but hundreds of years ago women couldn't step out and stand up for each other, but that isn't the case today. Women should be able to stand up for each other and speak out against guys who treat them like dirt.
After being in a relationship like this I can say firsthand that this mistreatment by someone you thought cared about you can destroy you if you let it, but I chose to stand up against it. After being treated like the second rate neighbors dog, I chose to finally stand up. I was repeatedly told how stupid and dumb I was for random statements I made, repeatedly told I was ugly and deserved to be treated the way he treated me, repeatedly told that I was worthless just because I did not agree with every statement he made. Having someone treat you like you are the least important person in their world when you really care about them can cause some major damage to a person. And it takes a lot of time to realize that you deserve better sometimes. It's amazing how one person can have so much control over you and how you can let their words consume you and everything you've worked toward. It's hard for me to look back and reflect on how I felt at the time. I think I pretty much hated him for how he treated me. Was that right for me to feel that way? No, but I did, nonetheless, because I knew I deserved better, but I didn't see a way out.
Why did I feel so trapped though? Why do girls feel so trapped by someone who in no way values them at all? I have no idea. I guess a lot of it is insecurity. We just like to know we have someone there even if they don't really care. We like to know someone is there even if they treat us horribly and act like we are not important.
I'm not sure when that became okay... when it became okay for a man to treat a woman like she is less than she truly is. A woman deserves someone who sees her for who she is and values that, someone that loves them even when they are mad at them, someone that treats them the way they were designed to be treated, someone that looks past the way they cry every day and sees it as another way to love her.
God created women, just as he created men. In reality, he created a woman from a man, so does that not mean that we are equal? If man was already good and God wanted to make a companion for him, one that could relate to him what better way to find a perfect companion than to make the companion directly from the man? Of course, that's the way He did it. It was the perfect way. And if a woman was exactly what He wanted her to be when He created her, don't you think she is still exactly what He wants now? So, why does the man God created feel superior to the woman God created? Is it because she was created from him? No, probably not. I don't know what the reason is, but I have a feeling that many men don't even think of that when they are treating their girlfriend or wife that way. Ephesians 5 says "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church— for we are members of his body.For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.This is a profound mystery— but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband." I think this scripture says it perfectly. A man is to love a woman, wholeheartedly. He is to respect her. He is to value her and I don't understand where this all went wrong.
I do have to say that while I don't understand any of this, I think if you are in a relationship like this and you find your way out that you will always find someone else to show you how things really are supposed to be. I think that if you suffer through someone treating you terribly that God will send you someone who can help you find your way out of that darkness; someone that will help you see you are better than you've been treated and you are loved by someone who understands and values you.
Love should never change, it should only grow.
It's no secret that many men have always seen themselves as superior to women, it's been happening for hundreds of years. Even in that era women were belittled by their husbands. I am usually not one to speak out about women's rights and that is not what I am doing now, I am just pointing out that so many men see themselves as superior to women. Young guys now think it's okay to treat their girlfriends like their dogs and it's not okay anymore. It was never okay, but hundreds of years ago women couldn't step out and stand up for each other, but that isn't the case today. Women should be able to stand up for each other and speak out against guys who treat them like dirt.
After being in a relationship like this I can say firsthand that this mistreatment by someone you thought cared about you can destroy you if you let it, but I chose to stand up against it. After being treated like the second rate neighbors dog, I chose to finally stand up. I was repeatedly told how stupid and dumb I was for random statements I made, repeatedly told I was ugly and deserved to be treated the way he treated me, repeatedly told that I was worthless just because I did not agree with every statement he made. Having someone treat you like you are the least important person in their world when you really care about them can cause some major damage to a person. And it takes a lot of time to realize that you deserve better sometimes. It's amazing how one person can have so much control over you and how you can let their words consume you and everything you've worked toward. It's hard for me to look back and reflect on how I felt at the time. I think I pretty much hated him for how he treated me. Was that right for me to feel that way? No, but I did, nonetheless, because I knew I deserved better, but I didn't see a way out.
Why did I feel so trapped though? Why do girls feel so trapped by someone who in no way values them at all? I have no idea. I guess a lot of it is insecurity. We just like to know we have someone there even if they don't really care. We like to know someone is there even if they treat us horribly and act like we are not important.
I'm not sure when that became okay... when it became okay for a man to treat a woman like she is less than she truly is. A woman deserves someone who sees her for who she is and values that, someone that loves them even when they are mad at them, someone that treats them the way they were designed to be treated, someone that looks past the way they cry every day and sees it as another way to love her.
God created women, just as he created men. In reality, he created a woman from a man, so does that not mean that we are equal? If man was already good and God wanted to make a companion for him, one that could relate to him what better way to find a perfect companion than to make the companion directly from the man? Of course, that's the way He did it. It was the perfect way. And if a woman was exactly what He wanted her to be when He created her, don't you think she is still exactly what He wants now? So, why does the man God created feel superior to the woman God created? Is it because she was created from him? No, probably not. I don't know what the reason is, but I have a feeling that many men don't even think of that when they are treating their girlfriend or wife that way. Ephesians 5 says "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church— for we are members of his body.For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.This is a profound mystery— but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband." I think this scripture says it perfectly. A man is to love a woman, wholeheartedly. He is to respect her. He is to value her and I don't understand where this all went wrong.
I do have to say that while I don't understand any of this, I think if you are in a relationship like this and you find your way out that you will always find someone else to show you how things really are supposed to be. I think that if you suffer through someone treating you terribly that God will send you someone who can help you find your way out of that darkness; someone that will help you see you are better than you've been treated and you are loved by someone who understands and values you.
Love should never change, it should only grow.
3.28.2010
I still love you Mr. Rain, don't go away quite yet.
I think I become more obsessed with the rain everyday. There was a major storm here last night. It was gorgeous yesterday and then the wind blew so hard poor Harley and Jentz were terrified. It didn't rain until early this morning and it rained so hard! It was the best sleep I've had in a while.
Yesterday I took Jentz to Fall Creek Falls. Most people in the area go like all the time, but there are others that haven't so if you've never been, check it out sometime. Me and Caleb were supposed to take Amber and Lee there over spring break, but it never happened. Sad times, but maybe we will be able to go soon. This was Jentz's second trip to FCF and we color coordinated outfits for photo purposes; however, with the thin fur that didn't last long. He had a cute little purple bandanna aruond his neck, but he got cold so we had to put on a jacket.
This is us by the lake in the park.
Poor little guy. He is usually very into the idea of photos, but he was cold and getting annoyed as you can tell by him smacking me in the face. haha
And the last is the one of us by the cascades at Fall Creek Falls. It was so so so windyyy!!
On another note, while going to make tutus in the park the other day with Amber we were riding down the road listening to music and none other than...
yes, Justin Bieber came on! This 16 year old kid is now my new favorite person to sing along with. I just sing and dance my heart out to his songs 'Baby' and 'One Less Lonely Girl'. I know he's 16, but I just love it so much. And... me and Amber will be attending his concert in Nashville on August 11. Ye-ah!! I am so stoked. I always talk about Amber, but I have never given a link to her blog, so here you go. :} Continue to check out our vlog here!
I suppose I will leave you with the lyrics of one of mine and Amber's favorite Justin Bieber songs. p.s. This is how every guy should be to his girlfriend...
There's gonna be one less lonely girl
One less lonely girl
There's gonna be one less lonely girl
One less lonely girl
How many I told you’s and start overs
And shoulders have you cried on before
How many promises be honest girl
How many tears you let hit the floor
How many bags you packed
Just to take ‘em back tell me that
How many either or's but no more
If you let me inside of your world
There’d be the one less lonely girl
Saw so many pretty faces before I saw you
Now all I see is you
I'm coming for you
Don't need these other pretty faces like i need you
And when you’re mine in the world
There's gonna be one less lonely girl
One less lonely girl
One less lonely girl
One less lonely girl
There's gonna be one less lonely girl
I'm gonna put you first
I'll show you what you’re worth
If you let me inside your world
There’s gonna be one less lonely girl
Christmas wasn’t merry 14th of February not one of them spent with you
How many dinner dates set dinner plates and
He didn’t even touch his food
How many torn photographs saw you taping back
Tell me that couldn’t see an open door
But no more
If you let me inside of your world
There'll be one less lonely girl
Saw so many pretty faces
Before i saw you you
Now all i see is you
I'm coming for you
Dont need these other pretty faces like i need you
And when your mine in this world
There's gonna be one less lonely girl
One less lonely girl
One less lonely girl
One less lonely girl
There's gonna be one less lonely girl
I'm gonna put you first
I'll show you what you’re worth
If you let me inside of your world
There's gonna be on less lonely girl
I can fix up your broken heart
I can give you a brand new start
I can make you believe
I just wanna set one girl free to fall,
Free to fall
Fall in love
With me
Her hearts locked and nowhere to get the key
I’ll take you and leave the world with one less lonely girl
16 or not, him and his lyrics are precious. Me, 21, and Amber, 22, both agree.
3.25.2010
Oh, rainy days, I love you, but allergies I hate you.
I love the rain. I wish it would rain every single day. I need to live somewhere like Seattle because I love it so much. I think what I love most is how calming and peaceful it is. Most people are in a horrible mood on rainy days, but they are my favorite of all!
I also love my rain boots. They have little baby blue whales and they're wayyy cute.
Today was a fabulous day. I was so tired and I was so sick from my allergies. I went to class, signed my name to the roll so I wouldn't be counted absent and then I left again and came home. I feel asleep at like 11:00 and didn't wake up 'til almost 2:00. It was so nice to just sleep and sleep and sleep until I felt like waking up.
Recently, I stumbled upon how delicious Dove chocolate is and my favorite part is not even the chocolate, it's the little quotes inside. Today I ate three (oops!) and they said:
• "Smile when you want to, cry when you need to, laugh whenever possible."
• "Let chocolate warm your soul."
And the third was a link to the Dove website for chocolate recipes. I haven't read over any of the recipes yet, but here is the link in case you want to. :]
I have a new obsession with owls. I just think they are so cute. I like the cartoon ones though, not the real ones, those are creepy. Amber is making me an owl key chain and I am so excited!!
I have been making tutus for little girls and I finished up the first one yesterday. It is so cute! This picture was taken on my phone so it's not fabulous, but oh well. Me and Amber have decided that the best place to participate in our new hobbies is at the park so now we sew and make tutus at the park by the river. We look like a couple of real winner's. haha It's so much fun though! We just haul my ipod and some little tiny speakers and sing along while we craft away. It's perfect on a nice afternoon!
Well there's the tutu. It's very princessy.
3.22.2010
Procrastinating at its finest :]
So because I have a 5 page paper due for World Civ II tomorrow and I didn't read the book for the book review, I am doing all I can to put off writing the paper. Also, I realized I have written nothing about going to see Danny Gokey or my spring break trip with Amber. Both were amazing!
Seeing Danny Gokey was fabulous! The concert was really low key with only 200 people allowed in so it was really chill. So chill that he stayed to speak with anyone that wanted to see him. So nice. I love this guy. He has such an amazing story. Almost three years ago he lost his wife in surgery after a congential heart condition, she was only 27 years old. Her dream was for her husband to audition for American Idol so only a month after her death, he auditioned and made it to Hollywood. Not only did he make it to Hollywood, but he came in 3rd place on the show. After leaving the show he started a foundation called Sophia's heart which aids in helping people in need, providing scholarships for underprivileged children to seek out their dreams and other various needs. Check out the foundation here.
What could make the night better than simply seeing Danny Gokey in concert? That would be meeting him.
Such a super nice guy.
The next day i left with Amber to go to Gatlinburg for spring break, also known as "SB 10!!" haha We had a BLAST! We got in so much people watching and it's all on video here. Pretty much the whole trip has been documented on our vlog. My favorite is Bloopers are the best: part two. While we were there we visited WonderWorks. So much fun! if you're ever in the area, check it out. Here is the website. And below are some pictures!
We also paid the Hollywood Wax Museum a little visit.
And here are just a few other random shots from the trip. :]
Seeing Danny Gokey was fabulous! The concert was really low key with only 200 people allowed in so it was really chill. So chill that he stayed to speak with anyone that wanted to see him. So nice. I love this guy. He has such an amazing story. Almost three years ago he lost his wife in surgery after a congential heart condition, she was only 27 years old. Her dream was for her husband to audition for American Idol so only a month after her death, he auditioned and made it to Hollywood. Not only did he make it to Hollywood, but he came in 3rd place on the show. After leaving the show he started a foundation called Sophia's heart which aids in helping people in need, providing scholarships for underprivileged children to seek out their dreams and other various needs. Check out the foundation here.
What could make the night better than simply seeing Danny Gokey in concert? That would be meeting him.
Such a super nice guy.The next day i left with Amber to go to Gatlinburg for spring break, also known as "SB 10!!" haha We had a BLAST! We got in so much people watching and it's all on video here. Pretty much the whole trip has been documented on our vlog. My favorite is Bloopers are the best: part two. While we were there we visited WonderWorks. So much fun! if you're ever in the area, check it out. Here is the website. And below are some pictures!
We also paid the Hollywood Wax Museum a little visit.
And here are just a few other random shots from the trip. :]
3.08.2010
nonsense & whimsicalites ♥
I am pretty stoked about this entire week! Tomorrow I have pretty much nothing planned which is fabulous because I am exhausted form school and such. I need a break! However, Wednesday cannot come soon enough!! I am going to see Danny Gokey with Candice!!!!!!!! Ah!!! Pictures to follow, but for now...
2.23.2010
I'm not as fragile as one might think...
Ah... it's been a while since I've done this. Amber has been aggravating the life out of me about it though so here I am. :]
Talk about stressed! Six months ago I had everything planned out the way I wanted it. Mainly with school, but whatever. I had big plans to go to UTC and major in fine arts and get my degree in graphic design. Now that doesn't seem quite so appealing. I have no clue what I want to do anymore. Everything went from perfectly planned to a hot mess of a situation. Dental Hygiene is definitely not an option anymore because I would hate it I'm pretty sure. I really was into graphic design and was so excited until I found out that, despite my three years of school already, I will have to go four more years at UTC. This just sounds like death to me. I would be almost 26 when I graduated. When I was 26 I wanted to be married with a stable job and possibly a family. Or at least working toward that. But for that to be all but non-existent and to be standing with a graduation cap on my head at 25 sounds ridiculous. I don't really even feel like that's an option. Then again if I stay at Chatt State one more year I can have my associate's in graphic design. Awesome. But I will have an associate's degree without a job because no one wants a designer with an associate's when they can have someone with a bachelor's. I guess I compare myself to other people too much. Brett is amazing at what he does, he moved to New York for three months to work with one of the best photographers in the world, Annie Leibovitz and worked for CMT for over a year. His work is amazing, but now after leaving New York and coming back to Tennessee, he cannot even find a job doing design. The same with his friend Ashley. Their work is terrific and they both have bachelor's degrees, but they still cannot find jobs. If they can't find jobs, how will I ever get a job with an associate's? So my only option is really to get my bachelor's degree, but 4 more years and not graduating until I'm 25 just makes me want to scream. I don't have four more years of school in me and if I really loved graphic design so much then I wouldn't care how long I went to school to get my degree. I would just do it because i love it. So I honestly have no idea what to do with myself. I don't see any direction that I really want to take.
On another note, me and Amber are starting a vlog so be on the lookout! :]
Talk about stressed! Six months ago I had everything planned out the way I wanted it. Mainly with school, but whatever. I had big plans to go to UTC and major in fine arts and get my degree in graphic design. Now that doesn't seem quite so appealing. I have no clue what I want to do anymore. Everything went from perfectly planned to a hot mess of a situation. Dental Hygiene is definitely not an option anymore because I would hate it I'm pretty sure. I really was into graphic design and was so excited until I found out that, despite my three years of school already, I will have to go four more years at UTC. This just sounds like death to me. I would be almost 26 when I graduated. When I was 26 I wanted to be married with a stable job and possibly a family. Or at least working toward that. But for that to be all but non-existent and to be standing with a graduation cap on my head at 25 sounds ridiculous. I don't really even feel like that's an option. Then again if I stay at Chatt State one more year I can have my associate's in graphic design. Awesome. But I will have an associate's degree without a job because no one wants a designer with an associate's when they can have someone with a bachelor's. I guess I compare myself to other people too much. Brett is amazing at what he does, he moved to New York for three months to work with one of the best photographers in the world, Annie Leibovitz and worked for CMT for over a year. His work is amazing, but now after leaving New York and coming back to Tennessee, he cannot even find a job doing design. The same with his friend Ashley. Their work is terrific and they both have bachelor's degrees, but they still cannot find jobs. If they can't find jobs, how will I ever get a job with an associate's? So my only option is really to get my bachelor's degree, but 4 more years and not graduating until I'm 25 just makes me want to scream. I don't have four more years of school in me and if I really loved graphic design so much then I wouldn't care how long I went to school to get my degree. I would just do it because i love it. So I honestly have no idea what to do with myself. I don't see any direction that I really want to take.
On another note, me and Amber are starting a vlog so be on the lookout! :]
1.26.2010
Sometimes we get lost in a sea of faces...
I was thinking last week on my way home from school about how sometimes we are so engrossed in what is going on with ourselves that we're too selfish to look around at others and I probably would have never taken the time to quit thinking about myself if this hadn't happened...
I had just left my World Civ II class last Tuesday and I was leaving school to go meet Amber for all-you-can-eat pancakes at IHOP! Yum! But as I was walking down the hall I got so distracted. There was a young guy standing in the hall with four or five other guys and they were all talking. The youngest of the group was probably 20 or a little older while the others were maybe in their 30's. The youngest of these guys was the one I first heard talking and I didn't think much about it. It was clear from his voice that he had some sort of disability, but I couldn't tell exactly what. I looked up when I heard him say something to the other guys and they all began to laugh at him, but he stood there with the most confused and painful look on his face and the next second the look was gone and he went back to talking and they other men continued to laugh at him. He didn't even understand that they were not his friends and they were simply making of him for what he was saying and for his disability. I was so angry, I wanted to turn around and go back and say something to the guys, but I didn't because being the small person I am, I didn't think that would be very smart. As I walked away all these thoughts flooded through my mind.
We get so caught up in our own lives that we don't even think about what is going on with someone else. We are just walking through our selfish lives looking upon a sea of faces. Of course, I am not the best person in the world to critique the way other people look at others. One of my favorite activities is people watching, but this was different. This was making fun of someone for something they have no control over, not because they have two different socks on or walked out of the bathroom with toilet paper on their shoe. This is much deeper than that. This is about being so caught up in ourselves that we look upon the faces of people with such deep hurt in their lives and yet we keep walking and wallowing in our own self pity because no one will pity us. Sometimes pity isn't what we want, sometimes all we want is for someone to say they care. Seeing that young guy in the hall that day and seeing the way those men were treating him really made me think about the sea of faces we pass through everyday and the way we never give a second thought to who they may be and what they are suffering through.
I had just left my World Civ II class last Tuesday and I was leaving school to go meet Amber for all-you-can-eat pancakes at IHOP! Yum! But as I was walking down the hall I got so distracted. There was a young guy standing in the hall with four or five other guys and they were all talking. The youngest of the group was probably 20 or a little older while the others were maybe in their 30's. The youngest of these guys was the one I first heard talking and I didn't think much about it. It was clear from his voice that he had some sort of disability, but I couldn't tell exactly what. I looked up when I heard him say something to the other guys and they all began to laugh at him, but he stood there with the most confused and painful look on his face and the next second the look was gone and he went back to talking and they other men continued to laugh at him. He didn't even understand that they were not his friends and they were simply making of him for what he was saying and for his disability. I was so angry, I wanted to turn around and go back and say something to the guys, but I didn't because being the small person I am, I didn't think that would be very smart. As I walked away all these thoughts flooded through my mind.
We get so caught up in our own lives that we don't even think about what is going on with someone else. We are just walking through our selfish lives looking upon a sea of faces. Of course, I am not the best person in the world to critique the way other people look at others. One of my favorite activities is people watching, but this was different. This was making fun of someone for something they have no control over, not because they have two different socks on or walked out of the bathroom with toilet paper on their shoe. This is much deeper than that. This is about being so caught up in ourselves that we look upon the faces of people with such deep hurt in their lives and yet we keep walking and wallowing in our own self pity because no one will pity us. Sometimes pity isn't what we want, sometimes all we want is for someone to say they care. Seeing that young guy in the hall that day and seeing the way those men were treating him really made me think about the sea of faces we pass through everyday and the way we never give a second thought to who they may be and what they are suffering through.
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